Chapter one

1 Bowen  I’m not sure heaven and hell actually exist, but if they did, I have vague ideas of what my version of each would be. My heaven would be a perpetual warm, balmy, summer night. Like the one at seventeen, when I lied in the tall grass on the hill behind my mother’s garden, eating strawberries off the vine, staring at the stars and telling my sister about my first kiss, with a boy. Hell… well, that would be working at Vino and Veritas. Because it seems to be something that, no matter how hard I try, I completely and utterly fail at every single night. I’ve only been employed for eight days, and worked four of them, and I’m pretty certain for Tanner, the manager, it’s been the worst four days of his career at the wine bar. Tonight, which happens to be a bustling Saturday night, he has me on bar back duties. It’s simple, straight-forward work. Make sure the shelves are stocked, the glasses make it back out to the bar after they’ve been washed, and that the condiments — lemon and lime wedges, olives, and maraschino cherries don’t run low. And for the first couple hours, I’m doing fine. Until it’s time to change a keg. I’ve changed kegs before more than once, at parties in college, and never had an issue. But of course, this isn’t a keg at a dorm or in someone’s kitchen in high school. This is a professional keg, in a professional establishment, which has a whole bunch of shit I didn’t realize need careful consideration when changing a keg. Like the gas and the FOB and the coupler, which it turns out can, on rare occasions, fly off when you don’t have a great grip on it, causing beer to spray everywhere, and the coupler to almost take your eye out.  Hell, I say.  This job is hell.  I get everything under control fairly quickly, but I’m drenched in beer. Molly stares at me, her big eyes filled with empathy. You know it’s serious when Molly is feeling bad for you. I may not have been here long but one of the first things I learned was that Molly is the resident Calamity Jane. A title you would think I was gunning for on purpose at this point.  “Jesus,” Tanner says under his breath when he turns and sees me.  “Everything is fine,” I assure him. “Now.”  “Except you can’t exactly keep working while dripping beer everywhere,” Tanner walks up to me and tilts his head. “You have beer foam in your hair.”  “Shit,” I whisper and touch the side of my head. I yank out the elastic that is trying unsuccessfully to hold my chin length hair back. I sigh and just rub the foam in like it’s mousse, because what choice do I have? A few of the customers sitting at the bar are watching me. Most in shock or horror.   Tanner notices and gently guides me back into the private storage area. “Can you run upstairs and ask my husband, his name is Jax, to lend you a T-shirt. And maybe a towel.”  “Yeah. Sure. Sorry,” I say and slink away.   My God, I am not this much of a klutz. What is going on? I immediately head for the stairs, climbing them two at a time because I want to get back to work. I think Tanner is still worried I’m a bit of a slacker because on my very first day my stupid alarm didn’t go off and I was late. It’s more than a little embarrassing having to tell your boss that you overslept on your first day. Especially when that day starts at seven in the evening. I didn’t elaborate further because I thought adding ‘I’ve had insomnia issues ever since my parents were killed in a car accident so sometimes, I fall into coma naps in the afternoon since I don’t always sleep at night’ would be worse than just being late.  After I knock on the apartment door and introduce myself to Tanner’s husband, who is blond and beautiful with a wicked cool accent like the chef at the bar, Jax loans me a plain, dusty gray color T-shirt. It’s a little short because I’ve always had a torso the length of a football field, but it’s passable. I rush back down the stairs, stumbling and cracking my ribs on the railing before landing in a heap at the bottom. I let out a string of obscenities at the bruises I’ll be sporting for weeks but luckily nothing is broken so I get up and hightail it back into the bar. There’s a band playing tonight, which is why it’s busier than normal. They haven’t played here before, but apparently, they’ve got a solid fanbase. There’s even a line outside.  I love live music, but I doubt I’ll get to enjoy it much tonight. I slide back behind the bar with Auden, who gives me a weary smile. “Just cut some lemons,” he says and reluctantly hands me a knife. “Carefully.”  “Sure thing.” I smile back and try not to feel too humiliated. The burly Scot has every right to be weary. Last shift I was opening a bottle of champagne for a customer and the cork blew off and beaned him right in the forehead. I grab some lemons and tuck myself into a corner on the back of the bar and begin slicing. I manage to cut all the lemons without incident. When I refill Auden’s condiment holder, he looks at me like a proud parent when their kid learns to tie his shoes. So yay, and ouch, to that.  Autumn slides up to the bar just as I’ve decided to tackle loading some clean wine glasses onto the rack they hang from above the bar. Her eyes narrow on my shirt and her round cheeks get rounder as she grins. “That’s not your shirt.”  “Keen observation, fashion police,” I mutter. “Aren’t you supposed to be working on the bookstore side?”  “Shift ended and I thought I would stick around and enjoy the show,” she says, sliding onto the last empty bar stool.  “The band is supposed to be good,” I tell her as she pushes her strawberry blonde hair over her shoulders. “They do covers.”  “I wasn’t talking about the band. You’re the show I’m here to watch,” Autumn remarks with a glint in her hazel eyes. “I’m sorry I missed whatever new misadventure has caused you to wear someone else’s shirt.”  I love my only sister, and I know she loves me, but she’s annoyingly gleeful about my inability to handle this job. “I wish you were still underage so I could get you kicked out.”  “Sorry not sorry,” Autumn replies, still smiling brightly. “And Tanner said he would give me a free belated birthday drink.”  She waves at Tanner, who is over by the stage talking with a guy from the band. Tanner waves back and pauses long enough to call out to Auden. “Whatever Autumn wants is on me.”  Then he goes back to discussing something with the band guy, who I can’t help but notice is very easy on the eyes. And also, he looks nervous, possibly panicked. He runs a hand through his thick, brown hair and somehow doesn’t mess it up. It’s got height on top while staying very sleek on the sides. If you put him in a leather jacket, he could be an extra in Grease, minus the actual grease. His hair looks silky, not slimy. Even with his thick, straight eyebrows pinched and his blue eyes narrowed, he’s really attractive.  Autumn suddenly snaps her fingers in front of me. “Hello! Did you hear me?”  “No,” I admit. “I said what do you recommend?” Autumn repeats what she must have said that I tuned out while staring at the hot guy. “I need a drink, remember?”  “I suggest whatever you drink, you have me make, lass” Auden interjects and smiles. “For all our sakes.”  Autumn is giggling now. I ignore her. “Is there an issue with the band?”  “Is that the name of a specialty cocktail?” Autumn kids. Auden looks over to Tanner and the hot dude. My sister’s eyes follow. “Go find out.”  “Me? No.” I shake my head. “It’s not my place.”  “Might as well,” Auden adds. I think he’s just trying to get me to move farther away from him so I don’t clock him with anything again. But I do know my way around musical instruments and can set up a drum kit or tune a guitar in my sleep. It might be nice to actually show Tanner I have skills.  I slip out from behind the bar and make my way over to the two of them. The closer I get, the hotter the band dude gets. Those blue eyes are a really great cobalt color and the T-shirt he’s wearing with the band name on it — Imposter Syndrome — fits him perfectly, hugging some decent sized biceps and clinging to a very fit waist. His shoulders are broad, and that perfectly high and tousled hair just begs to be held onto during a blow job. I mean, if the guy gave them, but I’d bet money he doesn’t. There’s a really strong straight boy vibe coming off of him.  “I’ll ask Molly, our waitress. She plays in a band so maybe she knows a drummer,” I hear Tanner say to the hottie.  “Tanner, I am so sorry. I don’t know what else to say, but thanks for trying to save this for us,” the guy says and rakes his hair with his hand again.  “Dude, it’s saving my night too. You packed this place,” Tanner replies and then he notices me standing about a foot away. “Hey, Bowen. Did something else go wrong?”  He doesn’t mean it bitingly, so I force myself not to let his words chip away at my ego. “No, I thought maybe you needed help setting up the band or something. It looked like there’s an issue.”  The band guy tilts his head to look at me. His gaze is intense. I mean, it’s probably just the pressure of whatever the situation is, but damn, he gives a good stare. “Not unless you know a drummer who can get here in half an hour or less,” Tanner says.  “I might,” I say and now they’re both staring at me intensely. “I play.”  “You play the drums?” Tanner blinks at me in disbelief. “You play, like, well?”  Ouch. But I get it. Autumn talked me up to be this excellent, hard worker who could learn anything quickly, which is why he hired me and well, he must have doubts at this point. But I don’t. I know I can drum. “I was a music major in college. I mean, I didn’t graduate but I wasn’t kicked out or anything. I can play drums, guitar, and piano. Proficiently, I swear.”  “Can I show you our set list? See what songs you might know?” the hot band guy asks but before I respond my eyes fly to Tanner. I’m his employee, after all.  “If you really think your band member has flaked, I’m more than happy to let you borrow Bowen,” Tanner says, and his eyes move back to me. “If you’re cool with it.”  “Yeah. I love playing.” I do love playing, especially more than every job I’ve had here. “Cool, let me show you the set list.” Hot band dude motions with his hand, and I follow him through the growing crowd to the corner of the stage. He grabs a piece of paper and hands it to me. “I’m Chase by the way. Ashton. I’m the singer.”  “Bowen,” I reply.  “Yeah, I know.” I lift my eyes from the set list, and as we stare at each other, he smirks. It amps up his hotness tenfold. “Tanner said your name.”  “Right,” I force myself to go back to scanning the song titles. They’re all songs I know well, thanks to my parents who loved music. “Here’re the ones I’m confident I can pull off.”  I point to seven of the ten. Chase’s eyebrows shoot to the ceiling. “Really? That many?”  “Yeah. My dad loved nineties grunge and my mom loved seventies and eighties music, so I grew up on a lot of these tunes,” I explain. “They’re the ones who first taught me how to play.”  “The drums?”  “Yeah. And everything else,” I shrug. He smiles again. Damn. I like it more than I should. “Okay, cool, I’m gonna trust you completely,” he announces and clasps my shoulder. His hand is strong and warm. “Let me introduce you to the other guys.” The other guys are Grant and Joe and the guy I’m replacing is “Fucking Bennie.” At least that’s how each of them refer to him. Grant and Joe seem nice enough but they definitely don’t seem to have as much faith in me as Chase does. Still, they’d rather take a shot with me than cancel the gig so the next thing I know, I’m settling in behind the drum kit. I have no idea what I’m getting myself into. These guys could suck. I might end up looking bad by association, but honestly, it can’t be worse than how things have gone at Vino and Veritas so far. I take a deep breath and hope for the best.  It turns out to be a pretty great experience. These guys are more than okay. They’re pretty freaking great, actually. Chase has a fantastic voice, singing everything from Bon Jovi to the Eagles to Nirvana with ease. And the crowd loves him. He has great banter and a confidence and ease on stage that draws you in and makes you comfortable. We have a couple small mess ups, like I came in late on a song, but everything goes better than expected and I can see Tanner smiling in relief and approval. Feels good to play again, and to not just be a fuck up inside these four walls.  We’re short on songs, since there were a few I wasn’t sure I could play, so with only three songs to go, Chase grabs an acoustic guitar from the corner of the stage and tells the rest of us to take five. I walk over to the bar with Grant and Joe. Auden gives us fresh bottles of water while Chase starts strumming the chords to a dance song that was popular last year, only he’s doing it all slow and with a different cadence and it’s really freaking great. Grant leans into me as he twists the cap off his water. His brown eyes are kind so I know he means no harm when he says, “He’s showing off now.”  Autumn wanders over to stand beside me and clutches my arm. “It is so awesome seeing you play again.”  I look down at her and try to deflect the words and the relief in her eyes. “Beats the hell out of a beer shower.”  Everyone claps when Chase is done, and I give him an impressed smile as I get back on stage. He winks at me. If I didn’t know better, I would think it was flirting. The rest of the gig flies by and ends in a roaring round of applause. As I step behind the bar again, Tanner gives me the first real smile I think I’ve seen since my first shift. “You did great!”  “He did,” Chase adds. I turn and see he followed me back to the bar. “I honestly can’t think of a way to thank you for saving our asses.”  “Don’t worry about it. I had a great time,” I reply, and his smile is making me smile and it feels a little like flirting again. But then a woman with short, dirty blonde hair and high cheek bones appears behind him and latches onto his arm.  “Chase! You were fantastic,” she coos.  “Thanks again,” Chase tells me and then he nods at Tanner and disappears into the crowd with the pretty blonde lady who is likely his girlfriend. I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t just a wee bit disappointed.  “Can you clear some empty glasses off the tables, Bowen?” Tanner asks, looking nervous. I nod, and he hands me a tray. I make my way through the crowd, being extra careful with the tray as I load it with empty wine and pint glasses. Suddenly, as I think I’ve forged a clear path to the bar, Autumn appears in front of me and I have to come to an abrupt stop. The glasses teeter and I panic, but luckily, I don’t drop anything. “Autumn! For crying out loud, do not ruin what is turning into the best shift I’ve had so far.”  “Did you see who your hot band buddy just walked away with?” she asks, a frown turning down her mouth. It looks incredibly unnatural on her. She inherited our mom’s bright sunshine-y attitude and rarely finds reason to frown. I picture the woman who curled herself into Chase in my head again. She does seem vaguely familiar and the way Autumn is glaring impatiently at me, I should definitely know who she is.  “Umm…  she run a rival Etsy store?” I ask, thinking this has to do with her side hustle selling hemp jewelry online. But her frown only deepens. “Someone from high school who used to tease you about your weight?”  Kids were brutal to her in high school. “Ugh.” Autumn rolls her eyes. “It was Lacey Baldwin. How did you not recognize her? Her face is plastered everywhere!”  Yep. Now that she’s said the name out loud, I see it. “She looked different. She wasn’t in a pantsuit and she looked like a normal person.” I scoot around my sister, eyes glued to the tray, and continue to the bar. Autumn follows along behind me. I slip behind the bar and Tanner takes the tray of dirty dishes from me. “Not one casualty,” he says in awe and my ego takes another kick to the nuts. “I’ll get these washed. Auden says you’re good with the condiments. Can you refill the olives and cut some limes?”  I nod and get to work. “Autumn, you should go home. You have finals soon.”  “Yeah. I know,” Autumn says tersely. She hates when I parent her. The only thing that makes her angrier is our older brother Woody doing it. To be fair, she kind of is the most grown-up person of the three of us. “You know, if your boy band singer is related to our arch nemesis, you can’t play with them again.”  “First of all, I haven’t been asked to play with them again,” I reply as I open a jar of olives and begin transferring them into the condiment container we keep on the bar. “Second of all, they look nothing alike, so I doubt they’re related. He might be dating her though.”  Autumn snorts at that. She does that a lot when she thinks people are idiots. It’s somehow more adorable than offensive. “Okay well, that’s even worse.” The freckles that pepper her ski jump nose form one giant freckle for a second as she wrinkles it. Then she almost jumps as a thought slams into her brain. “Oh wait! Maybe he knows campaign secrets. You should play with them again so you can pump him for information that could help Woody.”  Our brother is running for mayor and Lacey Baldwin is also running for mayor. This is why Autumn is talking like this. And also because she recently marathoned House of Cards as research when my brother decided to run in the emergency election. “Woody needs a miracle, not a double agent,” I mutter.  Autumn sighs in defeat and gives up on the silly idea. “Anyway, you sounded great up there. It’s good to hear you play again.”  “No big deal,” I reply casually, but it kind of is a big deal to her because she thinks I haven’t played since I quit school. I have, just not often and never when she’s around. “See you in the morning.”  “Okay.” Autumn smiles and makes her way to the door, like so many others are doing. Now that the band is done, the evening is winding down for everyone. I glance over at the stage. Chase is there packing up the equipment, but Lacey, our brother’s main opponent for mayor, is nowhere to be seen now.  I’m so busy concentrating on not screwing anything up, the next time I glance at the stage it’s bare. Chase is gone and I’m bummed I didn’t get to say good-bye. Molly walks over and asks Auden for two Shipley ciders for her table then she passes me a napkin. I’m about to ask her why when I see something scrawled on it.   Bowen Band likes to unwind at my place after shows. Stop by after work. 187 Church Buzz 3. Chase.  I thank Molly and tuck the napkin into the back pocket of my jeans. And then I narrowly miss cutting my thumb off as I start slicing limes again. I curse myself and concentrate on work and not the hot straight dude with the amazing voice.